Maybe It Does Work

After a week of energy-saving, window-opening, smells a lot like Fall weather... here it is, 11:00 on a Friday night in Mid-September and I just closed all of my windows to turn on the air. WTF? Hello Muggy! Thanks for stopping in! My energy bill thanks you!

WARNING! ABOUT TO BLOG ABOUT MY VAGINA!

I have had an excellent pregnancy. For real. I've had a lot of the minor complaints and a few strange complaints, but I haven't had nearly the problems I thought I would. I've only gained 14 pounds (okay, I gained 18, but have lost four in the last two visits) I just KNEW I was going to get Gestational Diabetes. I did not. I was CERTAIN I would end up with Preeclampsia. Nope. I was TERRIFIED of ending up on bed rest. Not so much. (Well, other than the self-prescribed daily naps) So, here it is. Week 39 and 5 days, due on Sunday and... nothin. Not a thing. No worthy dilatation. No effacement. No Braxton-Hicks. NO PROGRESS! Until yesterday.

Wednesday I went to OB, whom I will now refer to as "Vagina Ripper". She checked my cervix and, after obviously trying to single-fingeredly drag my entire cervix OUT of my body, proudly proclaimed I was at ONE centimeter. Well, I wasn't when I walked in!! She informed me that she will probably let him go to 14 days past due, since my body isn't doing anything. Inducement is useless, unless I want to spend three days in the hospital just WAITING for the Pitocin to kick in. I'm okay with this. I don't mind waiting until he's ready. As long as my body shows promise that it's not going to fail me. Last night, it proved it's worth. I found a bit of pink after I peed. HOORAY! My body doesn't SUCK! Today, I found a bit of red. WHOO-HOO!! Bring it on! Okay, so all this really means is that labor is hours, days or weeks away (no shit), BUT it also means so much more to me. That my body will not have to be medicated into cooperation (hopefully) and that Lord of the Dance on My Bladder MIGHT not need to be evicted by Intravenous Hormones and Surgical Instruments! This is good. This is very good.

P.S. I have a complaint about this whole "sex during pregnancy" topic. To me, there are three parts of "sex during pregnancy" - a) Penetration b) My Cheeri-O c) Husbands Cheeri-O. I hear that the prostaglandins in semen act to thin out the cervix, BUT when the suggestion is made to have sex to induce labor... is it possible that any of the three Acts of the Play have their own Role? I mean, all of these people who are having sex to induce and get nowhere with it... maybe it's the female Orgasm that jump starts it... or just the Penetration itself. Frankly, the Penetration hurts, but I'm all for the other two Acts. They should be more specific. If it's my Cheeri-O, then I don't HAVE to endure the pain of Penetration. And if it's Penetration, then give me all of the phallic objects that you can sterilize and we'll just run a train 24/7 until he arrives. Of course, if it is entirely Husbands Cheeri-O, then I see an opportunity for both of us to "work from home" selling his essence on Craigslist to overdue pregnant women.

P.P.S. I think I just had a contraction. Um. I'm going to go pack the bag I've been putting off. I might need it.