Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis? (or Fired Up, Schmired Up)

In an effort to stray away from others perception that I get fired up too easily over unimportant shit, I am going to name a few things from the last couple of days that are only mildly disruptive to the traffic flow in my head. Ahem:

1) The new Allstate Insurance commercial referring to retirement as "the third half of your life" - I'm not a mathematician, but relatively certain that one can only have two halves. If I am incorrect, I need to send a strongly worded email to the administration at RCHS.

2) People who Google something and then recite it back to you, nearly verbatim, within five minutes, pretending they have known this all their lives. If I would have known that I have a living, breathing search engine in my midst, I wouldn't bother to pay for Internet service.

3) The use of the word "irregardless" in a professional meeting, TWICE, even after you were called out on your usage the first time.

4) Being so focused on one's task that one forgets where one is and one belches loudly. One was hoping for some cheering. One received a look of abhorrence and quickly had to apologize to the abhorred, even though she and the abhorred have engaged in conversations about other co-workers breasts AND dildos. Don't those topics pretty much leave everything else in limits? Except poo convos. Poo convos are only acceptable after permission has specifically been granted and agreed upon by both parties.

5) Persons who are inclined to believe everything that lands in their INBOX. Listen -I know it's difficult to accept that some people truly have nothing better to do all day than fabricate stories and email them around the world, but they do. It just is. I could sit here and rant about the stupidity of those people and get all worked up over something I can't control.... or I could simply thank Barbara Mikkelson and her devotion to setting the world straight, always. Google It, Click On It, Use It, Love It... and for crying out loud, why do people ask me to Snopes things for them??? If you know what it's called, then you know the freaking website... or at least the freaking key word. Sigh. Whatever.

6) Thank you, Dearest Orange B, for the ability to entertain myself and feed my self-indulgent nature... however, I do have one tiny request... please oh please stop timing out and creating errors, especially when I am at, what I perceive to be, my funniest. I do not like to repeat myself and so, will not bother retyping. The humor is then lost forever...

7) Tripping in my own shoes THREE times in one day.

8) Lord of the Dance on my bladder, incessantly.

See? No f-bombs! I'm not worked up at all :)

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