As if I don't feel lame enough that all day Friday I was looking forward to purchasing some lamps. It had been a week long journey from Ikea to Target to Lowe's to Meijer trying to find some fucking lamps I liked enough to display in my living room. So, there it was, Friday night, I was showered, I was dressed in clean clothes and it only took until 8:30 at night to get to that point. I wondered to myself if we should be taking the baby out that close to his bedtime. I replied to myself that it was fine. So, we made our way to Wal-Mart. On the way, Husband and I were reminiscing about the days when being showered and dressed and in the car at 8:30 on a Friday night led to more than just lamps. Anyway... we went to Wal-Mart, we found no lamps. We went to the Subway in Wal-Mart for a Fountain Coke (which took a half hour because the Coke Syrup needed to be replaced... but I'm that cool these days that it was important enough to me to wait because, seriously, what else did I have going on??) We made our way to Meijer and, no lamps. At this point, it's 10:30... we're going to hang up our search for the night... but WAIT... Husband asks "Where's the Monkey?" Ah fuck. Our first lost toy. Retrace the steps through Meijer. Nothing. This monkey is more important to me than it is to Nicolas, so we'd better find it. I call Wal-Mart and, because they have STUPENDOUS Customer Service, there's no answer in ANY department. I check out at Meijer and Husband goes to Service Desk with the baby asking if anyone turned in a monkey. As I walk up to the Service Desk, Husband has three women's attention, two of them walk away when I approach... yeah, a Daddy with a baby looking for a stuffed monkey is a turn on, I know... nobody turned one in, but they'll be happy to take his number and call if they find it. So, it's now 10:50pm and we go BACK to Wal-Mart to see if it's there. Husband goes in alone and I try to park. The closest spot had a person standing in it to save it for a car that was making it's way around the aisle. As I pass it, the lazy bitch says "Nuh-uh, you can't park here" I would have run her over, but didn't have time to go to jail, I HAD A MONKEY TO FIND! Husband comes out of Wal-Mart with the Monkey. Apparently, while I was obsessed with my Fountain Coke, he had set the Monkey on the trash can at Subway. Thank God it was still there. Whew! Crisis averted. Then we got home and we were locked out of the house. Husband had to crawl in the kitchen window. When all was said and done, it was about 11:30.
SO, what did we learn?
1) The Monkey stays in the car from now on.
2) When one sets a toy down, one should make sure it's set on something we're taking with us.
3) When one returns a house key to Husbands key chain, one should make sure she hasn't put it on hers instead. Oops.
4) Our Friday nights have forever changed.