I know, I know... it's Saturday AGAIN and I'm still talking about last weekend... but seriously... WTF?
Last Saturday morning I was in high spirits (a little down about Bernie Mac, but maintaining a level head anyhow), when I decided I would get some shit done damn it!! Husband was intently focused on 45 degree angles on base boards and I was avoiding laundry... the plan: Go to Hardware store. Take back light bulb. Exchange for furnace filter. Go to National Retailer. Take back defective soap dispenser. Buy some great items for baby's room at great prices. Buy other stuff while I'm there that we will need before his arrival (things like bottles... thermometers... dressers...maybe toss in a diaper bag if I'm really feeling froggy). Fuck, this is going to be a looooooooong trip.
Armed with my list and some spare cash, I headed out with my shoulders back and my head held high, fully aware of the battle zone I was going to be entering. And owning it. Hardware store - CHECK! Furnace Filter - CHECK! National Retailer - where'd the fucking rain come from? Wow... think I'll wait it out a minute in my car - CHECK! Blue skies... begin trek into store... get the fuck out of my way people, I'm comin in! First step inside first door and down I went. That's right! All of my preparedness, all of my guts and glory, all of my spunk... all...slid...down...to...the...floor...with...the...first...step...in...UGH! Yes, I'm fine. Yes, I'm fine. Yes, I'm fine.... GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME TO HELP ME UP! "What fuckin brain trust used painted concrete as an entrance floor?" <--- yep... at the top of my lungs I did shout this. Shake it off... head to Service desk. Inform them that I have a return and people are falling over there. Ignored.
"Do you have a Yellow Tag?"
"I can't take this return without a Yellow Tag"
"No, I don't have a Yellow Tag"
"Didn't a greeter give you a Yellow Tag"
"NO, I was too busy FALLING for anyone to notice I had anything in my hand"
"You need to go get a Yellow Tag" (this is twice my falling reference has been ignored) "I need you to go get a Yellow Tag or I can't take this return"
Head to door, wait patiently for three minutes while a few employees ignore me. Shout at the top of my lungs: "Does anyone have a FUCKING YELLOW TAG for me?"
Yellow Tag provided promptly.
Head back to Service Desk. Moved to front of line.
"I'm sorry, but it's just our policy"
"I understand... can we move this along... I want to go home now"
"Did a greeter help you up?"
"I don't know... please take my return so I can GO HOME NOW"
"I'm just trying to help you"
"If you WANT to HELP me, you will GET this DONE so I can GO HOME!!!"
Exit store. Get in car. Drive home. Bust in back door. Sob uncontrollably from nerves and embarrassment. The fall wasn't enough to hurt the baby, but I'm nervous all the same. Counted kicks, everything's fine. I ended up calling the store and filing an incident report. There went my big plans for getting "shit done damnit!" so I napped.