Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Vagina Knives

In an effort to put off the inevitability that this will become a Mommy Blog, I have refrained from posting too many stories about my pregnancy. But, I couldn't let this one go.

For the last month and a half, or so, I've been getting shooting pains in my cervix. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant, so there is no real likelihood that this has been any sort of labor indication.

When I first presented this "uncomfortable feeling" (read: feels like Freddy Krueger is knifing my cervix in a dark alley next to a dumpster, while tiny fingers and/or toes attempt to dislodge themselves from the comfort of my uterus and sneak out for a quick diddle), Doc checked that everything was closed up and told me not to worry. Two weeks later, when the pain was still hanging around, Doc told me it was typical pregnancy vaginal pain. I politely disagreed with her... I'm not new here... I have had my share of cervical pokes from multiple angles with multiple tools. This is CERVICAL pain. Ultimately she decided she hadn't really heard of such a thing, but that I probably have a very sensitive cervix and that the swoosh of amniotic fluid is irritating some nerves (I, at this point, feel compelled to jump to the conclusion that labor might be extra painful for someone with a "sensitive cervix" - For real... if I can feel the amniotic fluid, imagine what dilation is going to feel like!!! Can I get an epidural now?)

Fast forward to the previously mentioned trip to the ER. Julie, the lovely Midwife, asked about anything out of the ordinary and I mentioned the semi-regular rendezvous with Mr. Krueger. She said she has heard the complaint a few times in the last few months and the only thing she or any of the docs on the L&D floor can come up with is that it is a sensitive cervix. HOORAY!

I am still told this is nothing to worry about... but, me being me, had to find out what other people are experiencing... I'm not paranoid, I just want to be educated. So this evening, I Googled "Pregnant Cervical Pain" and quite a few postings came up. The one that is most intriguing to me is the name that some Doctors have given it....... you guessed it............ Vagina Knives. LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!!! Perfect name, really. So, I have Vagina Knives. I'm not sure if it sounds more like a Porn Star, a Tarantino character or a species on Star Trek, but I am DAMN amused.

Vagina Knives!! HA!

Sincerely,
Love,
Signing Off,
Vagina Knives

3 comments:

That one girl, Kiesha said...

I laughed out loud when I read the name. Love it! Hopefully your vagina knives get dull soon!

Heidi said...

d am guessing Vagina Knives was names by a woman because otherwise it would have some convoluted name like Bluecocis Serinvagina. Visiting for Bloggy Recession!

Andrea said...

OMG that is hilarious! I mean, I am sorry you are in pain, pregnancy really can be a tasking adventure. But OMG they named it Vagina Knives! WTH?! Too funny!