Thursday, June 18, 2009

Penis, Circumcision, Vagina, Boobs and Gorillas

This is a test
A what?
A test
A what
A test
Oh, a test

(Throwback to one of the first plays I was ever in. Not too many people get it, but whenever I hear someone say "This is a test" or "This is a book", the above dialogue goes through my head. If you've done the exercise, you and I are now equally dorky. SWEET!) Ahem, I digress...

Kim at Yellow Trash Diaries has a theory and I am testing it.

Would you like to begin?

1) My son's PENIS is not CIRCUMCISED. I do not wish to start a cause here. It was a decision Husband and I made and, should Wee One ever regret our decision, he can always reverse it.
2) Husband had back surgery four weeks ago today. The morning of his surgery, I asked his surgeon (whom I shall dub "Mr. Fantastic-And-Kinda-Hot-Too") when he would be able to "perform" again. Mr. FAKHT said two weeks. No shit - two weeks plus two days later, Husband confirmed that his PENIS works. He feels much better about the surgery now. I think he thought it was going to take his ability to get laid away. Really dodged a bullet there, sweetheart...
3) I still have VAGINA Knives. I have no idea what the pain is, but it didn't go away with my hCG levels. Hurts like a bitch, but it's not as frequent as when I was prego.
4) About my BOOBS: They are working for a livin... but they aren't as productive as I think they should be. I've given them some performance enhancing Fenugreek, but I still am not convinced they are working at the pace I would prefer. And you're welcome if that song is in your head now (whoa-oh-whoa workin for a livin...)
5) GORILLAS. I got nothin. Just wanted to include it.
6) Also, I am in love with Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Truly. I've never been a HUGE Kiss fan, I mean, everyone loves a little Detroit Rock City, but I never had an interest in the show until I accidentally watched an episode the other night (the one where he takes a lie detector test for Shannon). And now, oh yes, it has been programmed on my DVR. Alongside Kathy Griffin and Tori Spelling because I love women who have an enormous Homosexual fan base.

Those are my thoughts.
Your what?
My thoughts
Your what?
My thoughts
Oh your thoughts

3 comments:

La Fleur Balkanique said...

"Vagina knives," yeee-iiiiikes! You poor thing, gah. Go back to another Doc or a specialist and get it checked out, just to be on the safe side!

'Hee!' for Gorillas. :D

Glad to hear about hubby, tee hee hee... :P

Oh, and I responded to your comment on my blog just earlier!

TrustMe_2_Forget said...

yay Tony!!! now if only the VAGINAKnives (ouch) would stop stabbin.
not suprised about wee one knowing what I know.
and I shall not even comment on KISS or Gene Simmons and I'm sure you're already aware of my familys obsession...LOL

and I'll counter your Gorillas with Orangutans...just cuz I think its a fun word!LOL

Lisa said...

@ aem ... I changed some settings here, so I'm not sure if ur comment is going to post, I will try to add it. yes, 'what u know' is much of the reason... and believe me... EVERYONE knows about ur family's obsession. I found a Gene Simmons book on my shelf that I never read (but will now, of course!) and T asked me if you gave it to me. I reminded him that I believe it was actually HIM that did. and oh btw... gene and shannon tweet. shanonleetweed and from hers u can find gene's. funny, shannon and i both follow dooce
i gave up on punctuation and capitalization. too many words. too many thought. too hard on mobile.